One might say that perhaps it is not healthy to revisit these feelings and memories, so it is best to put the CD right back on the rack and never listen to it again. I would respectfully disagree with myself, because re-visiting these moments helps me to appreciate where and who I am now that much more. I do reserve the right, though, to come back to Vancouver several times or never at all.
As I wiped my original draft away, which consisted of several hours and days of typing, I cursed myself. I thought that perhaps I was over-analyzing things and worrying too much about the person(s) reading this blog. Perhaps I should be self-indulgent, as this is my project after all. This really is about me, and if the reader does happen to find any nuggets of wisdom or entertainment out of it, then that's great. It is not, however, the primary purpose of this exercise. More to the point, this is my release, of what has been going on in my mind and life for several years. It is purely autobiographical, but I do think some of my themes are universal. For instance, parenthood and raising a young child(ren). This is a topic which gives me great joy to write about, and I simply can't help writing about my incredible young boy.
As the summer approaches, I think about the many ways that I used to enjoy the simple things in life. A beautiful sunny afternoon, out in the back on my lawn chair, listening to music and drinking beer. Ah....I can hear that familiar pop of the bottle cap and the feel of the moisture from the bottle now. Eventually I would muster up the energy to fire up the barbecue for my mouth-watering steak. These were simple hedonistic pleasures that I used to take full advantage of out in my little slice of suburbia. Things have changed a great deal since the arrival of my progeny, though, so these moments are fewer and further between. Take my music, for instance. There is very little opportunity to pop in the IPod or a CD these days. When I do listen to music, it is usually my boy's choice. His idea of good music is usually a hearty rendition of "Old Macdonald Had a Farm", or "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".
This will mark my fourth summer in our house with our quaint little back yard. As we only really get to enjoy it four or so months out of the year, my desire to simply sit and smell the roses grows really strong this time of year. The first two summers, again before our bundle of joy arrived, I would set up bird feeders. They would attract all sorts of lovely avian species. I particularly enjoyed visits from the Goldfinches. They are bright little yellow birds that squeak rather than chirp. The yard is bordered by a hydro corridor out back, so it is nice not to have neighbors behind us. The field is home to all sorts of interesting wild life, including pheasants. One spring morning we awoke to find 5 young pheasants eating discarded birdseed on the ground, while their nervous father paced back and forth on high alert. Another time, I spotted an opossum rooting around in the grass from my kitchen window. Other exotic creatures we have espied include deer, falcons, foxes and coyotes.
Two years ago, almost to this day, my son was born. This will actually mark his third summer in life, though the first one he was merely a newborn baby. Instead of dwelling on what used to be, I find myself marveling at just how fast he has grown. Looking at pictures marking the seasons, he was in his tiny swing chair on a table that first summer. He was merely a couple of months old. The second summer, we have pictures of him in his playpen, as well as crawling and eventually on his two feet. Last summer was truly remarkable in terms of the milestones he had reached. he was naturally curious last summer (still is), and was determined to crawl or stumble his way to places he shouldn't have been. We had to constantly hover around him to correct course. This summer, as I mentioned, he will be out there on his new slide, playing with rocks and toys, and still going places he shouldn't be going to. He talks so much now, and usually when we are outside he wants his daddy to come and play with him.
As much as I crave the chance to enjoy my summer in my own unique way, I realize that I feel fulfilled in a much different way now. Playing with my son, teaching him to climb his slide without rocks in his hands, telling him not to poke his eye out with sharp sticks....these are how my summer Saturday and Sunday afternoons will be filled. It also appears his mother has plans to put a small wading pool somewhere in the tiny lot. The yard space is suddenly at a premium, and I still haven't put up our tent /gazebo. That in itself takes up nearly the entire space. My wife has designs on pretty much ripping out every root in the garden beds, as well as cutting down trees and cleaning out shrub. Between my wife and my son, I let out a wistful sigh and resign myself to the responsibilities at hand. Somewhere in between, somehow, I expect I will manage to slip in a couple of cold ones and some music sessions here and there. Perhaps, if my timing is right, I might even have a cigar and some fine grilled meat. Well, I already know what I want for Father's Day.....question is, will I get it?
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